6 really helpful ingredients for robust spiritual conversations

Have you ever left an interaction with a friend and been disappointed because it felt like all you did was talk about nothing? It is often easy to let moments ebb and flow without intentionally stewarding them for eternity. But with a little preparation and practice, we can consistently have deeper, more meaningful interactions. Whether we are talking with someone exploring faith or a fellow Jesus follower, these tools can equip us to be better friends and ambassadors for Christ.

1. Spend time with Jesus 

Many of us are familiar with the command in 1 Peter 3:15 to be prepared to give an answer for the hope that we have, but often we skip over the first part of that verse. “In your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy” (ESV). Before we introduce our friends to Jesus, we must spend time getting to know him.  

I love the line in Acts 4:13 where Peter and John are brought before the council of Jewish leaders in Jerusalem to be questioned. Peter is empowered in His response by the Holy Spirit and the reaction of the council is this: “Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus” (ESV). 

Jesus sends us as his ambassadors and to represent him well; we need to know him. Intimately knowing whom we represent gives us credibility and confidence. “They had been with Jesus.” In your interactions with others, would your friends say the same about you?

2. Pray

After Peter and John were released from questioning, they gathered with their friends. Together, the believers acknowledged God’s sovereignty and asked him to guide their next steps. Verse 30 says, “When they had prayed…they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness” (Acts 4:30 ESV). Prayer humbles us to remember our role in God’s story and helps us stay in constant reliance on Him. Prayer also reminds us that we have 24/7 access to the God of the universe! In our interactions with others, we should remember that we are indwelt by the Holy Spirit and keep an internal dialogue with Him.  

3. Know your own Jesus story

Sharing a personal experience is not only powerful for the hearer, but it also reminds the speaker of God’s faithfulness. Every time we recount how God has worked in our lives, we bring glory to Him. 

Having different “versions” of our testimonies is helpful. Depending on the circumstance, we may have a few seconds or a few hours to share our stories. Try this exercise:

1. Write your testimony in 3-4 sentences. This one will not include a lot of detail but will still be personal. Think of two adjectives to describe your life before Christ, use a sentence to explain how you met Christ, and conclude with two adjectives that describe your life as a Jesus follower. Though you probably won’t be reading your testimony in a conversation, this version should take 30 seconds to one minute to explain.
2. Expand your few sentences into a paragraph. Include relevant personal details and major events that were instrumental in your faith journey. Do not get too long-winded though, the conversation form of this version should take no longer than 5 minutes.
3. Write out your entire Jesus story. This is the long one, the life-story-over-coffee version, the one you tell the grandkids. 
4. Practice sharing the different versions with a friend. It is tempting to think that we will be ready in the moment, but it can be hard to talk about something so profound and personal. Practice and be prepared. 

4. Listen

How often do we really listen to the world around us? In our fast-paced society, most of the time we are multitasking. Have you ever noticed how often we are so distracted in formulating our own response that we miss part of what the other person is saying? 

Conversations are a two-way street; without listening, we might as well be lecturing. In our interactions with anyone, let us heed Scriptures’ urge in James 1:19 to be quick to hear and slow to speak. 

Think about how it makes you feel when someone truly listens to you. Personally, I feel very valued when I feel heard. In the same way, when we listen closely to someone else, we honor the dignity they have as a fellow image bearer of God. 

Listening builds trust. Listening well can give us glimpses into our own hearts and the hearts of others. Only after we listen can we respond appropriately.

5. Ask questions

Questions are powerful. They bring clarity, show concern, shape ideas, and help solve problems. When discussing our faith, questions move the conversation forward and develop dialogue; a well-placed query can be a game changer. Here are a few things to keep in mind as we craft our questions.

• Seek to understand. In getting to know others, we should make note of any specific life experiences that may have contributed to forming their worldview. When people trust us with their life stories, we should practice empathy and extend grace.
• Find common ground. Even if it is as simple as agreeing that the sky is blue, let us look for ways we can stand in solidarity with our conversation partner and reaffirm him or her where we can. We can then build off these commonalities as we clarify the differences in our viewpoints.
• Get to the root. Oftentimes, the questions people ask are indicators of deeper yearnings of their hearts. Remember, we are not only responding to ideas, but we are also responding to a person made in the image of God and loved infinitely by Him. 

However, we should be careful not to weaponize our questions. Yes, we can use them to guide someone towards a certain conclusion but the heart behind them and our tone in asking them are key. We should be genuinely curious about our conversation partners as we seek to love them.

I like to ask a question like: “What could God do in your life that would reveal himself to you right now?” This gives me a specific prayer target for my friend and something to follow up on next time I see them.

6. Respond well

Regardless of how much we brush up on our apologetics, we will inevitably run into situations where we are unsure of how to respond. Do not panic if your friend says something that leaves you tongue-tied. Say something like, “I understand where you are coming from. That’s a good point. I will have to do a little more research on that.” Then do just that—go home, look up a biblical response, formulate an answer for yourself, and follow up with your friend. 

Scripture says a lot about our speech. Not only should our responses be marked by gentleness and respect (1 Peter 3:15), but they should also be gracious, seasoned with salt (Colossians 4:6), the truth spoken in love (Ephesians 4:15), appropriate for the moment, and edifying to the hearer (Ephesians 4:29). It is hard to keep all of this in mind on our own strength, but thankfully we have the Holy Spirit. 

Though it can be tempting to make every conversation a spiritual conversation, faith discussions should not feel like a sales pitch. Sometimes, it is best to just listen, ask questions, and keep things lighthearted. Other times, the Lord may ask us to go deeper and speak boldly. We should use discernment and be in constant prayer throughout our time together. 

Looking again at Acts 4, when the disciples were asked not to speak about Jesus, they said, “Whether it is right in the sight of God to listen to you rather than to God, you must judge, for we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard” (v. 19-20 ESV). I pray this is our mindset as well and that faith conversations become increasingly natural as we grow closer to Jesus. 

May we walk in wisdom, making the most of every opportunity. May we know how to answer each person. And may Jesus grant us his peace, confidence, and boldness as he sends us to be Kingdom ambassadors in our spheres.